Marketing Jokes

Here are a few of my favorite Marketing Jokes...enjoy!!


Marketing Joke #1

A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience with the Pope, and offered him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer' from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused the offer.

Two weeks later, the consultant offered the Pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the generous offer.

Another week later, the consultant offered the Pope 20 million dollars, and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope briefed his staff.

"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

The Marketing Presentation

When a young marketer met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I'll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to so sedate an eternity.

"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.

"Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there."

The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"

The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Marketing Presentation"

This is a clever marketing joke!

One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet and a sign that read: "I am blind, please help."

A creative publicist was walking by and stopped to observe. He saw that the blind man had only a few coins in his hat. He dropped in more coins and, without asking for permission, took the sign and rewrote it.

He returned the sign to the blind man and left. That afternoon the publicist returned to the blind man and noticed that his hat was full of bills and coins.

The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was he who had rewritten his sign and wanted to know what he had written on it.

The publicist responded: "Nothing that was not true. I just wrote the message a little differently." He smiled and went on his way.

The new sign read: "Today is Spring and I cannot see it."

Takes wording to a new level doesn't it?

Marketing is Communications.

This marketing joke goes out to all of us who are flying constantly for business, just to make you feel better about flying!

In case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. (Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely).

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

==

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ==

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. ==

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. ==

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

==

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. ==

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.

==

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.

==

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

==

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

==

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

==

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ==

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. ==

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. ==

And the best one for last ... P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget

Make you think twice about how you communicate your point won't it?

Here's a little marketing jokes for those of you who need to market a person you don't like very well.

Do you have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee? - Here are a few suggested phrases:

For the chronically absent: "A man like him is hard to find." "It seemed her career was just taking off."

For the office drunk: "I feel his real talent is wasted here." "We generally found him loaded with work to do." "Every hour with him was a happy hour."

For an employee with no ambition: "He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in." "You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:

"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

For a stupid employee:

"There is nothing you can teach a man like him." "I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."

For a dishonest employee:

"Her true ability was deceiving." "He's an unbelievable worker."

Just for laughs

Marketing Apples

A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. Marketing was the key to my success."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two-million dollars.

This one is a bit scary ;)

This is a conversation that took place between an office girl and a marketing guy from a leading mult-international company .

Marketing guy - Which soap do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which hand wash do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which deodorant do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which toothpaste do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy -Which shampoo do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which washing powder do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - shit !!!! Okay, Okay , tell me, What is this Kates ?

girl - She's my roommate.

A girl goes to a party, meets a guy, they hit it off and end up going home together. The next morning her friend asks, "How was it?" She answers, "I think he works in marketing. We didn't actually do anything but he sat on the bed all night telling me how good it was going to be!"

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